Blue's Big Musical Movie
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Let’s talk about Blue’s Clues. (The main theme starts as clips from the show begin to play) G-man (V.O): Holy crap, I love this show! I know I said this in my review of Behind the Clues, but it’s still true, isn’t it? Near the end of the third season, there was an actual full-length movie called Blue’s Big Musical Movie. How did it hold up? I watched it all the time when I was younger! It was amazing! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Or is it? (The sound of an audience gasping is heard) I’m kidding! I still love this movie! But its nice to brush it off once in a while and give it a good review. And that’s what we’re doing today! This is Blue’s Big Musical Movie! (Cut to the opening scene) G-man (V.O): First of all, tell me by this opening scene you don’t get the chills. (Part of it plays before we cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow! So many memories! But when does it start? (Cut back to the opening scene) Little Bill: Right now! (Cut back to the G-man smiling excessively before getting up, and running out of his room and sitting down on his couch in his living room. This is where he spends the rest of the review) G-man: Let’s do this! (He realizes something) Wait, every time I come down here, I’m forced to review it with someone! And judging by the description before you clicked on this, it’s bound to be- (He’s interrupted by Danny Gonzalez running in and sitting down next to the G-man) Danny: What’s up? G-man (Under his breath): Oh, for fucks sake… Danny: I saw the G-signal! (Cut to a spotlight in the sky with the G-man’s annoyed-looking face in it, and then back to the duo) G-man: Why did I install that? (He sighs) Let’s just watch the film. Danny: Agreed! (Cut back to the film. Blue’s paw holds up sign that reads "Blue’s Big Musical" as she barks the same thing) G-man (V.O): After that, we head to the usual house where Tickity is having trouble waking up Steve. Tickity: Will you help me wake up Steve? (Silence) Great! If we both yell "Wake up, Steve!", I know, it’ll work! Ready? (Along with Blue) One, two, three! (Cut back to the duo) Danny (Shouting): Wake the hell up, Steve! G-man: Nonono, it’s like this: (He clears his throat before he shouts as well) Sonic Forces was considered a bad game by IGN! (Cut back to the film. Steve wakes up) Steve: Whu-? Huh? Clue? (Cut back to the duo. Danny looks shocked at the G-man) G-man (In normal tone): What? That woke me up. Danny (In normal tone): …You’re fucked up! (Cut back to the film) Danny (V.O): It turns out that they’re having a music show in the backyard called, and I’m quoting here: (Along with Steve) The You Can Be Anything You Wanna Be Show! (Solo) Steve and the rest of the cast needs our help to get everything ready, including playing Blue’s Clues to find a duet partner for Blue. G-man (V.O): For some reason, Periwinkle overhears the conversation and assumes that the music show is a magic show. Even through we clearly hear music show! Periwinkle: Magic show? Did someone say magic show? (Cut back to the duo) Danny: And this subplot starts all because he misheard something! That’s just a weak subplot-trailhead! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): We go to Side Table Drawer to get our notebook, but after Mr. Salt fucks up off camera, Steve goes to help him. And that’s when Side Table confesses that she wants to be in the show. Danny (V.O): But she chickens out and gives Steve the notebook. Steve wants to make up a song, and I quote: I want to be a song-maker-uper! (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Hey, let’s hope he does better than Billion Surprise Toys. G-man: Billion what? Danny: Here’s a sample: (Cut to a video from the Billion Surprise Toys YouTube channel) Papa (Singing): Refrigerator, Refrigerator. Refrigerator (Singing): Yes, Papa? Papa (Singing): Do you have water? Refrigerator (Singing): No, Papa. Papa (Singing): Telling lies? Refrigerator (Singing): No, Papa. Papa (Singing): Open your door. Refrigerator (Singing): Ha ha ha! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: …What the fuck was that? Danny: Lord, I wish I knew… (Cut back to the film) Steve (Singing): We are looking for Blue’s Clues. We are looking for Blue’s Clues. (His singing gets slower and more depressing) Why can’t I can’t I ever find a clue like you? (Talking) Yeah, why is that? How come I never find the clues first? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Well, good sir, that’s because you’re talking to (He gestures to himself) the Hidden Object game master! Danny: Said the person who can’t play half of them because they’re timed. G-man: Shut up! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): We then find our first Blue’s Clue; the Handy Dandy Notebook. Danny (V.O): Oh, come on! It gave away the answer! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Well, sometimes notebooks need love, too! (Danny facepalms and groans before we cut back to the film) Danny (V.O): Side Table misses another chance to tell Steve that she wants to be in the show, and then she just sings about how depressed she is. And then when Steve comes back, he sings about how he’s got a silly hat. Does everyone sing at the drop of a hat? No pun intended. Steve: Hey, I know! I have a part that’s perfect for you! Side Table (Excitedly): You do? Steve: Yeah! Yeah, you know you’re a side table, right? Side Table: Right! Steve: Well, you know how sometimes you hold things on top of tables, right? Side Table (Not as excited): Right… Steve: Right! You could hold all our hats on top of your table! That’s what you could do! Slippery Soap: That’s a great idea, Steve! (He puts all that hats he’s holding on top of Side Table. Cut back to the duo) G-man: You know, I’m surprised that after all that, she doesn’t cuss him out like: (Cut to a clip of Side Table talking that’s dubbed by the G-man) G-man (V.O as Side Table): Really, Steve? You’re seriously putting me on this (Censored) job?! You know, I take all this (Censored) from you, and I don’t say anything. But now I’m putting my (Censored) foot down! You mother- (Censored) can kiss my wooden ass! (Cut back to the film with the original audio) Danny (V.O): Steve’s friends keep bombarding him with stuff they don’t know what to do with, and another song starts in which we put things together. Cast (Singing): Two heads are much more fun! We’ll put together as one! (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): Like every phone needs a case! Danny: Like every soup needs a spoon! G-man: Like every face needs a palm! Danny: What? (The G-man slaps Danny across the face) Ow! G-man: And that’s why they call it facepalm! (A punchline rimshot is heard before we cut back to the film after the song is over) G-man (V.O): The costumes are ready and the stage is set, now we need to find a song to sing, make snacks, and of course, figure out Blue’s Clues. After Periwinkle fails to show us his magic trick… (Cut back to the duo) Because this subplot wouldn’t have started if he hadn’t misheard… (Cut back to the film) We find our second clue; a knob. Danny (V.O): We already know who it is! It’s just pointless! (Cut back to the duo) Danny: I don’t know why they’re building this up. It’s obviously- G-man (Interrupting): The dresser. Danny: …What? G-man: Have you heard it? It’s got the voice of Morgan Freeman! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): We still need to figure out Blue’s Clues and find a song to sing in the show. Blue and Steve Skidoo into a music sheet to find one. Thankfully, they had better luck than I did. (Cut to a sketch with the G-man in a Steve shirt in front of a Minecraft poster) G-man (Singing): Blue Skidoo, we can too! (He jumps into the poster, but fails to enter it. He grunts in pain as he falls down before we cut back to the film) Danny (V.O): Here, we meet someone called G-Clef. Voiced by… G-Clef: Yeah, keep playin’! You’re doing great! (Cut back to the duo) Duo (Simultaneously): Is that Ray Charles? (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): I can’t get over this! The late Ray Charles is voicing a G-Clef in Blue’s Big Musical Movie! And can I say that the song he sings is the best song in the whole movie? (Part of the song plays before we cut back to the duo) G-man: Wow! That’s catchy! Danny: BTS, eat your heart out! (Cut back to the film) Steve: You alright? Slippery: Steve, I keep slipping! Let me try again… (He attempts to sing on his makeshift sailboat, but he keeps slipping, and he eventually falls off it. Cut to a sketch with Danny in doctor’s costume holding a clipboard) Danny: Hmmm… I think I might know the problem. (He turns the clipboard over to reveal the text "STOP BEING SOAP!" in all capital letters before we cut back to the film) Danny (V.O): The neighbors arrive to watch the show, but we then run into another problem. No one can collect the tickets. Steve asks Side Table to be the ticket holder, and then she sings about how depressed she is again. And while Steve’s looking for the third clue, he gets depressed as well! (Sarcastically) Wow, this is full of happiness! G-man (V.O): And then we get to the part where I’m sure many children across the world rejoiced: Steve (Singing): It’s true! Yes, it’s true! When things went wrong, you know I didn’t give up! Until I found my… (Talking) I-I really did it! I found my very first… (He holds up the drawer he’s holding. Inside it is a…) Clue! (Cut back to the duo slow clapping) G-man: Bravo, sir! Bravo! (Their clapping slowly speeds up until they’re both applauding) Bravo! Bravo! (Cut back to the film) Danny (In normal tone): So now we have all three clues; the notebook, a knob, and now a drawer. After going to our thinking chair, we finally learn that Side Table Drawer wants to sing in the show. G-man (V.O): Holy shit! I never would’ve guessed that! (Cut back to the duo) Danny: That’s sarcasm, right? G-man: Sar… Casm? (Danny slaps the G-man across the face) Ow! Danny: And that’s why they call it facepalm! (A punchline rimshot is heard before we cut back to the film) Danny (V.O): Side Table is missing, so we split up to find her. And this is when our two subplots come together and end; Periwinkle does his magic trick, revealing Side Table in the process. (There’s a moment of silence before Danny speaks again) You know, it’d be really ironic if she said no. I mean, Steve and his friends put her through all this, and would you want to do it after all that? G-man (V.O): After Periwinkle finally learns that it’s not a damn magic show, he gets depressed as well. (Cut back to the duo briefly) You know, for kids! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): But don’t get sad! He ends performing as their opening act! (Slippery slips onstage) Slippery, stop fucking up! Pail: Oh no! Slippery slipped! Steve: That’s just what he was afraid of! (To the others) What should we do? (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Easy! Send Kanye out there and say: (Cut to a clip from the 2009 VMAs where Kanye interrupts Taylor Swift) Kanye (Dubbed by Danny): Yo, Slippery! I’m really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but the Minecraft texture-change was one of the worst fuck-ups of all time! Of all time! (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): The song about not giving up repeats, and then this happens: (The pink snail rides across the stage on a roller skate) Yep, that snail. That motherfucking snail! Ever since I learned hat there were a total of three snails hidden throughout each episode, I kept wondering if that was true. So I had to watch episode after episode searching for them all! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: That snail’s lucky he’s fictional or else I would whoop his ass! Danny: Okay, you need to calm down- G-man: Nonono! Screw that snail! End of story! (Cut back to the film) Mailbox: Knock knock! Audience: Who’s there? Mailbox: Letter! Audience: Letter who? Mailbox: Letter in! She’s been knocking! G-man (V.O): It’s not that funny when you realize he’s talking about Dorothy being locked out of the tornado shelter from the opening of the Wizard of Oz. Danny (V.O sarcastically): Wow, you must be fun at parties! (In normal tone) Anyway, Steve and the viewers sing their song, the show is a success, and that’s the end! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: And that was Blue’s Big Musical Movie! I thought it was amazing, the songs are memorable, and aside from the snail, the characters are well-known! (To Danny) Well, what about you, Mr. Gonzalez? Danny: Oh, I thought it was great! Sure, there are a few depressing elements here and there, but it all worked out just fine! Thanks for having me! G-man: Hey, no problem! Bye! Danny: Bye, Greg! (He gets up and walks out of frame. Leaving the G-man with one question) G-man: Who the fuck is Greg? (He sighs) Oh, well. I guess I’ll save that for another day. Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode